Life Reflections

* If you're too open minded, your brains will fall out.

* Age is a very high price to pay for maturity.

* Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in his shoes. That way, if he gets angry, he'll be a mile away - and barefoot.

* Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.

* A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

* If you must choose between two evils, pick the one you've never tried before.

* My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance.

* If you look like your passport picture, you probably need the trip.

* Always yield to temptation, because it may not pass your way again.

* Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks.

* A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel good.

* Alcohol kills slowly. So what? Who is in a hurry?

* Can you do anything that other people can't? Sure, I can read my handwriting!

* Divorce has become so common that my wife and I are staying married just to be different.

* When a wife was asked,"What book do you like best?" she answed "My husband's cheque book."

* Your future depends on your dreams, So go to sleep.

These 16 Police Comments were taken off actual police car videos around the Country

16 "You know, stop lights don't come any redder that the one you just went through."

15 "Relax, the handcuffs are tight because they're new. They'll stretch after you wear them a while."

14 "If you take your hands off the car, I'll make your birth certificate a worthless document."

13 "If you run, you'll only go to jail tired."

12 "Can you run faster than 1200 feet per second? Because that's the speed of the bullet that'll be chasing you."

11 "You don't know how fast you were going? I guess that means I can write anything I want to on the ticket, huh?"

10 "Yes, sir, you can talk to the shift supervisor, but I don't think it will help. Oh, did I mention that I'm the shift supervisor?"

9 "Warning! You want a warning? O. K., I'm warning you not to do that again or I'll give you another ticket."

8 "The answer to this last question will determine whether you are drunk or not. Was Mickey Mouse a cat or a dog?"

7 "Fair? You want me to be fair? Listen, fair is a place where you go to ride on rides, eat cotton candy, corn dogs and step in monkey poop."

6 "Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my wife gets a toaster oven."

5 "In God we trust, all others we run through NCIC."

4 "How big were those 'Just two beers' you say you had?"

3 "No sir, we don't have quotas anymore. We used to, but now we're allowed to write as many tickets as we can."

2 "I'm glad to hear that the Chief of Police is a personal friend of yours. So you know someone who can post your bail."

And the Winner is.........

1 "You didn't think we give pretty women tickets? You're right, we don't. Sign here."

Some New 1s

The wisdom of Larry the cable guy.......

1. A day without sunshine is like ....night.

2. On the other hand, you have different fingers.

3. 42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot.

4. 99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.

5. Remember, half the people you know are below average.

6. He who laughs last, thinks slowest.

7. Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.

8. The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese in the trap.

9. Support bacteria. They're the only culture some people have.

10. A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

11. Change is inevitable, except from vending machines.

12. If you think nobody cares, try missing a couple of payments.

13. How many of you believe in psychokinesis? Raise my hand.

14. OK, so what's the speed of dark?

15. When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.

16. Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now.

17. How much deeper would the ocean be without sponges?

18. Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.

19. What happens if you get scared half to death twice?

20. Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?

21. Inside every older person is a younger person wondering, "What the heck happened?"

22 Just remember -- if the world didn't suck, we would all fall off.

23. Light travels faster than sound. That's why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

24. Life isn't like a box of chocolates. It's more like a jar of jalapenos. What you do today, might burn your ass tomorrow.

And Some Contribution by Avijeet Satapathy

Light Travels Faster Than Sound... That's Why People Appear Bright Until You Hear Them Talk

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If Electricity comes From Electrons Then Does Morality Come From Morons?

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Weird Gal Weird Things

Knew a girl that was so stupid that.......

She called me to get my phone number.
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She spent 20 minutes looking at the orange juice box because it said "concentrate."
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She put lipstick on her forehead because she wanted to make up her mind.
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She tried to put M&M's in alphabetical order.
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She sent me a fax with a stamp on it.
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She tried to drown a fish.
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She thought a quarterback was a refund.
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She got locked in a grocery store and starved to death.
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She tripped over a cordless phone.
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She took a ruler to bed to see how long she slept.
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She asked for a price check at the Dollar Store.
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She studied for a blood test.
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She thought Meow Mix was a CD for cats.
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When she heard that 90% of all crimes occur around the home,she moved.
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When she missed the 44 bus, she took the 22 bus twice instead.
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When she took you to the airport and saw a sign that said "Airport Left" she turned around and went home
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Some more

If everyone is in the front, who'll be at the back?(Think At It)
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If my shirt has "I DONT WEAR MY ATTITUDE", would it be my attitude or not?
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Some of mine Weird Compilations

If a word in the dictionary were misspelled, how would we know?
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Wouldn't it be ironic to die in the living room?
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If your born at exactly midnight is your birthday on both days?
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What is a male ladybug called?
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Why is an alarm clock going "off" when it actually turns on?
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Why are boxing rings square?
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What's the opposite of opposite?
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Do Lipton employees take coffee breaks?
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If you tell a joke, and no one laughs, was it really a joke?
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If rabbit's feet are so lucky, then what happened to the rabbit?
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If Superman is so smart why does he wear his underwear over his pants?
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Why do tourists go to the top of tall buildings and then put money in telescopes so they can see things on the ground in close-up?
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Is Popularity is a socially transmitted disease?
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Why is abbreviation such a long word?
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Why is the name of the phobia for the fear of long words hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia?
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Who tastes the dog food to know it has new and improved flavour?
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If the speed of light 1000,000 km/s, what is the speed of dark?
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